The Three Times Rule
Often what happens when we try to discipline our children is we tell them to do something over and over again until we are incredibly angry and frustrated. For instance, if you say, “Johnny, stop hitting your brother,” and he doesn't stop, you will probably say it again. If he still doesn't stop, you might say it several more times until you become furious. Then, you might grab him and put him kicking and screaming into his room, turn off the TV set, or take away a toy he's playing with.
A method that works much better for both you and your child is the three times rule. First, you simply say, “Johnny, stop hitting your brother.” The second time, you say it with a consequence: “Johnny, stop hitting your brother or you will have a time-out in your room, you can't watch TV anymore today, or I will put away the toy that you are fighting over.” And the third time, no matter what, you apply the consequence. The third request is usually accompanied by counting slowly one … two … and, at three, boom, they're in time-out, or have met whatever consequence you warned them about.
You have to use this rule every single time for it to be effective. Don't give in! If you follow through with your punishment, your child will really learn that you mean what you say. And he or she will know that not listening to you will bring a consequence, not just a threat. It also will give your child a sense of control because he or she will always have a warning before the punishment is actually carried out.
It's also important to choose the punishments carefully. You should keep two things in mind. First, the punishment should be something that you can and will carry out. If you tell Bobby that he can't come to the party with you and you know you will take him anyway, that is not an appropriate choice. Second, you should also get in the habit of making the punishment fit the crime. If Susie is coloring on her sister's book, you should give her a time-out in her room, or put the crayons off-limits for the rest of the day. Taking away dessert after dinner would not be as fitting a punishment. The closer the consequence is (in time and relationship) to the inappropriate behavior, the more likely the child will understand the relationship of his or her actions to the punishment.
Blog Archive
-
2008
(77)
-
Juni(77)
- Shake It Up: Alternative Meeting Strategies
- Firing and the Law
- Five Myths of Managing Up
- Self Confidence
- Low Self Esteem
- Learning Self confidence
- How panic attacks spread
- The Secret Of Success
- Getting to know ‘you’
- Public Speaking
- Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature
- 9 Basic Human Needs for Good Mental Health and Emo...
- How to understand what your dreams mean
- Hypnosis for Success
- How hypnosis can build self confidence
- Worry your way to a solution
- Learn to worry well and benefit from stress
- How to quit smoking
- Telecommuting Has Mostly Positive Consequences For...
- Clear the clutter
- Train your brain
- Roll the dice to relieve the monotony
- Breathing for health - Noise removal breathing
- When We Are Fools to Ourselves
- Schopenhauer’s Extreme Self-Help for Pessimists
- What is Happiness?
- Examining Human Behaviour: Learn About Quandaries
- Mental Self-Defense Strategies
- 37 Stress Management Tips
- Psychology - The Study of the Human Mind
- 101 ways to cope with stress
- What is Forensic Psychology? It’s Not Silence of t...
- Psychology Degrees
- Exercise Elevates Mood - Until And Unless You Stop
- Experiences Beat Possessions: Why Materialism Caus...
- 7 Tips for dealing with confrontation
- Remember your dreams
- The art of listening
- 90 minute sleep cycle for a better life
- How to Get Your Child to Do What You Ask - The Fir...
- Child Discipline Series
- The Twelve Disciplinary Elements
- Provide Related, Respectful, and Reasonable Conseq...
- Seven Ways to Discipline Effectively
- Be Reasonable, Gentle, and Firm
- The Three Times Rule
- Ain't Misbehavin': Discipline Tactics That Work!
- How to Be More Consistent with Your Children
- How to Punish Without Punishing Yourself
- Be a better partner
- Solutions to Parents' Top Discipline Problems
- Using Punishments Effectively (2)
- Using Punishments Effectively (1)
- Your One-Year-Old: Beginning Discipline (2)
- Your One-Year-Old: Beginning Discipline (1)
- Disciplining Your Toddler
- Should Toddlers Ever Be Punished?
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplining Your Toddler: Put the Brakes on Aggre...
- Ten Questions to Ask Before You Punish
- Effective Punishment
- "Counting Out": An Easy Technique to Reduce Bad Be...
- The Basics of Discipline
- Good Kids, Bad Behavior
- Parenting Your Negative Child
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (3)
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (2)
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (1)
- Stress and Family Life
- What if your child doesn't do what you tell him? T...
- Child Discipline Series
- The Big List of Consequences
- When Parents Disagree about Discipline
- Parenting Traps
- Spending Time with Children
-
Juni(77)