Be a better partner
It's hard to get on the same page, since parents often have different values in child rearing, and issues of who gets to be right or in charge muddy the water. Yet children get confused when their parents have different approaches, and they're more likely to play one parent against the other: But Dad said I could! And it is disheartening when your partner approaches the most important undertaking of your life in a way that seems wrongheaded or cavalier.
Minor differences in parenting style are all right. Besides helping children prepare for a variety of teachers and (eventually) bosses, complementary approaches can build on each other, like Mom being more of a tender owie-kisser and Dad an exuberant horsieback-ride-giver, so kids get the best of both worlds. But major differences in parenting values or actions are a problem. To solve it, the first step is to pin down exactly what they are, so we suggest you take a moment to fill out this questionnaire.
Taking Steps Yourself
While it may seem unfair to be the one who makes the first move, trying to be a better partner yourself will evoke positive behavior from your husband, reduce his reasons for being irked with you, and, if nothing else, let you stand on principle if he is dragging his feet. And there will be a better result when you and he take steps together.... Here's a buffet of options, focused on the common situations of a somewhat disengaged father, or one whose parenting style differs in some ways from his wife's.
Have confidence in his fundamental ability to be a parent. Hundreds of studies have shown that a father is just as able to parent with love and skill as a mother. For example, when babies cry, the typical father gets just as upset inside as his wife does, and just as relieved when the baby settles.
Encourage him. Try to be encouraging (though not patronizing) if he is learning a new skill. Suppose he feels awkward holding a little baby: reassure him that he's doing fine, and perhaps disclose ways you, too, have felt a little klutzy.
Acknowledge him. Admit it when his way worked, even though it was different from yours, or when you learned something from him. Emphasize what you appreciate about his parenting, rather than what you wish were different. See the strengths in his approach and understand the values it is based on.
Let him learn. Let him be the one who handles a tantrum from start to finish, or who tries to get a child to eat some carrots. Occasionally direct the kids to him for things you normally provide, so he gains more experience with those parts of child rearing. If you can, arrange for him to spend extended times alone with your children, such as an entire evening from dinner to bedtime, or better yet, a full day or two while you go on a business trip or (best of all) take a mini-vacation.Blog Archive
-
2008
(77)
-
Juni(77)
- Shake It Up: Alternative Meeting Strategies
- Firing and the Law
- Five Myths of Managing Up
- Self Confidence
- Low Self Esteem
- Learning Self confidence
- How panic attacks spread
- The Secret Of Success
- Getting to know ‘you’
- Public Speaking
- Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature
- 9 Basic Human Needs for Good Mental Health and Emo...
- How to understand what your dreams mean
- Hypnosis for Success
- How hypnosis can build self confidence
- Worry your way to a solution
- Learn to worry well and benefit from stress
- How to quit smoking
- Telecommuting Has Mostly Positive Consequences For...
- Clear the clutter
- Train your brain
- Roll the dice to relieve the monotony
- Breathing for health - Noise removal breathing
- When We Are Fools to Ourselves
- Schopenhauer’s Extreme Self-Help for Pessimists
- What is Happiness?
- Examining Human Behaviour: Learn About Quandaries
- Mental Self-Defense Strategies
- 37 Stress Management Tips
- Psychology - The Study of the Human Mind
- 101 ways to cope with stress
- What is Forensic Psychology? It’s Not Silence of t...
- Psychology Degrees
- Exercise Elevates Mood - Until And Unless You Stop
- Experiences Beat Possessions: Why Materialism Caus...
- 7 Tips for dealing with confrontation
- Remember your dreams
- The art of listening
- 90 minute sleep cycle for a better life
- How to Get Your Child to Do What You Ask - The Fir...
- Child Discipline Series
- The Twelve Disciplinary Elements
- Provide Related, Respectful, and Reasonable Conseq...
- Seven Ways to Discipline Effectively
- Be Reasonable, Gentle, and Firm
- The Three Times Rule
- Ain't Misbehavin': Discipline Tactics That Work!
- How to Be More Consistent with Your Children
- How to Punish Without Punishing Yourself
- Be a better partner
- Solutions to Parents' Top Discipline Problems
- Using Punishments Effectively (2)
- Using Punishments Effectively (1)
- Your One-Year-Old: Beginning Discipline (2)
- Your One-Year-Old: Beginning Discipline (1)
- Disciplining Your Toddler
- Should Toddlers Ever Be Punished?
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplining Your Toddler: Put the Brakes on Aggre...
- Ten Questions to Ask Before You Punish
- Effective Punishment
- "Counting Out": An Easy Technique to Reduce Bad Be...
- The Basics of Discipline
- Good Kids, Bad Behavior
- Parenting Your Negative Child
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (3)
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (2)
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (1)
- Stress and Family Life
- What if your child doesn't do what you tell him? T...
- Child Discipline Series
- The Big List of Consequences
- When Parents Disagree about Discipline
- Parenting Traps
- Spending Time with Children
-
Juni(77)