Seven Ways to Discipline Effectively
Let's start with the effective big seven -- the most effective, kindest, most positive disciplinary techniques out there. These are the ones you should be using. Here they are, in alphabetical order (so you won't think I'm ranking them by merit):
- education
- expressing disapproval
- having a little discussion
- ignoring
- separation and replacement
- time-outs (also known as “thinking time”)
- warnings
Education
Education is a disciplinary technique, and I'm not talking about the normal use of discipline as a teaching tool. I mean using education as a direct consequence of misbehavior. Education is an opportunity to move your child to thoughtful from his normal stance as thoughtless.
In many cases, a child's misbehavior is based in ignorance. Racial slurs, or physically risky behavior (like smoking and driving too fast), can often be corrected easier and more effectively by a specifically educational response than by other forms of discipline (like scolding or making rules).
A child caught drinking to excess a couple of times could be taken to an AA meeting to see firsthand the ravages of alcohol. A child participating in racist behavior could be shown the movie Schindler's List, brought to a lecture on Martin Luther King, or, better yet, the whole family could get involved in community activities where the child can meet and become friendly with people from diverse racial groups.
Education is not about lecturing, and, since your child may not be open to hearing the truth from you, an educational consequence may be best imposed by another adult heExpressing Disapproval
Perhaps the simplest and most effective way of changing a child's behavior is to let her know that you disapprove of it. State your objections clearly, and give reasons. “Judy, I don't like it when you hit your sister. It's cruel and thoughtless, and I want my children to be kind and compassionate.” When your child hears your disappointment or disapproval, she may shape up. Your child needs your approval. Miss Judy will hear your anger, and resolve to change.
Disapproval works when it is stated clearly-once. Don't nag, rub it in, carry on, or hold disapproval as a grudge. What if you can't let it go? That's between you and you. Don't raise it again (and that means you)! Kids can hear a complaint or disapproval once-more than once erases the message from their little brains and closes their ears tighter than Scrooge's wallet.
Your disapproval needs to be expressed with conviction and passion, but without fury. Don't be wimpy or bossy:
- Wimpy parents tend to feel the disapproval, but express it so mildly and gently that no impact registers. Here's an example: “Honey, please don't pull Muffy's tail, dear. I really hate it when you do that, it's not a very nice thing to do, Sweetheart, and you want to be a nice little boy, don't you? Honey? Please stop for Mommy, dear. Mommy's getting a little bit upset and concerned,” and so on.
- Bossy parents tend to come down so hard on the disapproval that they frighten, or make their child feel like a personal failure or a dirty rotten piece of scum. Make sure that your disapproval transmits the message that it's the behavior you don't like, not the child.
Blog Archive
-
2008
(77)
-
Juni(77)
- Shake It Up: Alternative Meeting Strategies
- Firing and the Law
- Five Myths of Managing Up
- Self Confidence
- Low Self Esteem
- Learning Self confidence
- How panic attacks spread
- The Secret Of Success
- Getting to know ‘you’
- Public Speaking
- Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature
- 9 Basic Human Needs for Good Mental Health and Emo...
- How to understand what your dreams mean
- Hypnosis for Success
- How hypnosis can build self confidence
- Worry your way to a solution
- Learn to worry well and benefit from stress
- How to quit smoking
- Telecommuting Has Mostly Positive Consequences For...
- Clear the clutter
- Train your brain
- Roll the dice to relieve the monotony
- Breathing for health - Noise removal breathing
- When We Are Fools to Ourselves
- Schopenhauer’s Extreme Self-Help for Pessimists
- What is Happiness?
- Examining Human Behaviour: Learn About Quandaries
- Mental Self-Defense Strategies
- 37 Stress Management Tips
- Psychology - The Study of the Human Mind
- 101 ways to cope with stress
- What is Forensic Psychology? It’s Not Silence of t...
- Psychology Degrees
- Exercise Elevates Mood - Until And Unless You Stop
- Experiences Beat Possessions: Why Materialism Caus...
- 7 Tips for dealing with confrontation
- Remember your dreams
- The art of listening
- 90 minute sleep cycle for a better life
- How to Get Your Child to Do What You Ask - The Fir...
- Child Discipline Series
- The Twelve Disciplinary Elements
- Provide Related, Respectful, and Reasonable Conseq...
- Seven Ways to Discipline Effectively
- Be Reasonable, Gentle, and Firm
- The Three Times Rule
- Ain't Misbehavin': Discipline Tactics That Work!
- How to Be More Consistent with Your Children
- How to Punish Without Punishing Yourself
- Be a better partner
- Solutions to Parents' Top Discipline Problems
- Using Punishments Effectively (2)
- Using Punishments Effectively (1)
- Your One-Year-Old: Beginning Discipline (2)
- Your One-Year-Old: Beginning Discipline (1)
- Disciplining Your Toddler
- Should Toddlers Ever Be Punished?
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplinary Techniques That Work for Toddlers and...
- Disciplining Your Toddler: Put the Brakes on Aggre...
- Ten Questions to Ask Before You Punish
- Effective Punishment
- "Counting Out": An Easy Technique to Reduce Bad Be...
- The Basics of Discipline
- Good Kids, Bad Behavior
- Parenting Your Negative Child
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (3)
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (2)
- Letting Go of a Relationship That Stresses You (1)
- Stress and Family Life
- What if your child doesn't do what you tell him? T...
- Child Discipline Series
- The Big List of Consequences
- When Parents Disagree about Discipline
- Parenting Traps
- Spending Time with Children
-
Juni(77)